Jan 19

Jan 19 X Card

X card has been around for a long time, and I bet many of you already know it. It's a simple yet powerful concept created by John Stavropoulos for those who don't. A card with an X is given to each individual at the table. Anyone can touch their card anytime during a game to signal that something makes them uncomfortable. You don't have to give a reason why. Stavropoulus created this system to assist when playing a ttrpg with strangers so that everyone feels safe at the table. X Cards can be used in any ttrpg but is especially helpful in groups where people don't know each other.

When I first looked into X card, I was intrigued. It was such a simple yet powerful tool to use in any game. I was on board with the concept and how it would be helpful until I got to the Triggers Can be Anything section. The list is daunting. Some items on the list are common sense, or at least should be to any rational human being. If someone thought that talking about bigotry, rape, or suicide was acceptable, it's not the table for me.

Others, though, seemed, well, ridiculous. Before we go any further, I know I'm an idiot and'll get to that momentarily. How are you supposed to play D&D if someone is triggered by violence or blood? I love talking about my children, so why wouldn't I? And swearing, that's going to be an issue, but I'll try my best.

I was trying to wrap my head around this until I realized (with some help from Stephen) that I have no idea what's happening in someone's head. Something that seemed harmless to me could be traumatic to another. What I needed to do was get over myself. This wasn't someone else's flaw but rather a flaw in myself and my thinking. I needed to see myself as the person who had to change, not them.

I've played in a campaign where it was used. We are all excellent friends, and the cards were never used. It was the same group I'd played with for over five years. We were giving Stephan a break from Dm'ing. If I'm being honest, it felt odd that they were being introduced into our campaign. Everyone at the table had known each other for a long time, did other activities together, and always enjoyed each other's company.

I wondered, had I done something to upset someone at the table? I tend to speak before I think, and I have quite a potty mouth due to over thirty years in the restaurant business. If I had done something that led to this, why wouldn't they call me out or pull me aside after the session? I feel confident when I say I would have been mortified and immediately apologized to everyone. These are some of my closest friends, and the last thing I wanted to do was be callous or insensitive to their feelings. It gnawed at me throughout our first session, and at the end, I spoke up, asking everyone at the table if I had done something to make them uncomfortable.

Everyone reassured me that the answer was no, and we all went our merry way. But still, it bugged me. It wasn't the next day when I realized it had nothing to do with me. I didn't know every detail about their lives, just like they didn't know mine. I've led what you may call a 'colorful' life. They knew a lot about my past misdeeds and struggles, but there are some sordid details I will take to my grave.

I've written about my struggles with alcohol and addiction. I'm an open person when it comes to this. My hope is that by talking about it, I can help other people who are struggling. I've learned over the years to shut my mouth and change the subject if people are uncomfortable with the topic. Just because I'm willing to talk about addiction and recovery doesn't mean other people are, and I respect that. Everyone is different. We all have our struggles and demons. And we all deal with them in our way.

Using the X card, we can navigate issues that make someone uncomfortable. Now, I hate the word "trigger." Yes, it's an apt description of how something or someone can make a person feel anywhere from uneasy to downright paralyzed with fear. I think it's overused and has lost some of its original meaning, and in some cases, it's used to harm or shame someone because of how they feel.

Touching your X card is a subtle way of saying, "We're heading into an area that isn't going to work for me." There's no explanation needed and no judgment (hopefully). We can pivot from that situation as a collective group and move forward with the game. If you need to stop for a bit, we'll hit the pause button for as long as necessary. Do you want to talk about it later privately? I'm there for you.

The X card is valid when used properly, whether you've been friends forever or just met people at a table. In a world where common decency and respect for others seem to be dwindling every day, let's all try to bring a little back. Every little bit helps.

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