Fun Facts - Spelljammer Ships Edition

More Spelljammer articles for your reading pleasure
Introduction to Spelljammer
New Spelljammer Races
Additional Spelljammer Races - The Forgotten Travelers of the Multiverse
New Spelljammer Ships Part I
New Spelljammer Ships Part II

While we were graced with sixteen spelljammer ships, many more were created in the 2nd edition. With over one hundred additional vessels to choose from back then, I'd be remiss if we didn't take a moment to talk about a few of them. There's no way to go over every single one in detail - well, there is, but other people in my house expect dinner every night - but some are just too fun to pass up. What a perfect opportunity for the Fun Facts article, with this one all about the forgotten spelljammer ships.

Armada - The largest of all the ships on the Astral Sea, the Armada is the biggest weapon of the mighty Imperial Elven Navy. Don't think you'll be able to get your hands on one because possessing an Armada will result in the Elven Navy hunting you down and executing you and everyone else on the ship. Built from the modified fruit of the starfly plant, the Armada resembles a large butterfly whose wings are flattened out. The vessel can carry up to 40 flitters simultaneously, allowing it to fly into battle alone to launch an assault. In large-scale combat, multiple Armadas may send forth the smaller ships under their control, following them into battle. Armed with 6 heavy ballistae, 6 heavy catapults, 2 heavy jettisons, and 3 bombards, you may want to seriously consider running away as your best, and perhaps only, option for survival.

Battlewagon - Who wouldn't want a ship called the battlewagon? It's a murder ship whose front looks like a flying pig with enormous tusks. If you thought the Armada was impressive, look at the weapons this floating ship of death carries; 4 bombards, 1 Greek fire projector, 6 medium ballistae, 8 medium catapults, a blunt ram, and up to 40 single-person Blade ships.
What's a Greek fire projector, you ask? Imagine a giant cannon mounted to the ship's deck, with the barrel ending in something like a fire hose nozzle. Stored in the nozzle is a highly corrosive but highly flammable liquid. Now imagine shooting the cannon, resulting in a thin stream of flame bursting out of it, traveling 500 yards, and setting ablaze anything it touches. That, my friends, is a Greek fire projector.

Blade - I may have gotten a bit excited about the Greek fire projector and forgot to talk about the Blade, better known as the Goblin Blade. These single-person vessels are small, short-range attack ships. It, too, has a Greek fire projector, along with a piercing ram. They aren't expensive, which is good since most goblin blades are used in kamikaze ram attacks on enemy vessels. Sure the Blade had several other uses; a lifeboat, escape ship, tug boat, and scout ship, but let's be honest. We all want to see a screaming goblin with a ship full of explosive Greek fire hurtling towards its target at breakneck speeds. Unless, of course, that target is you.

Cuttle Command - The answer to the Armada, this ship was created by humans with help from everyone's favorite brain melters, the mind flayers. There are sorts of things we could talk about regarding this ship, but only one thing really matters.
It's a ten-story spaceship shaped like a squid.

Iambus - A bard party ship is either the best or worst thing in the Astral sea with no in-between. The ship is controlled by a unique bardic helm, and not surprisingly, only a bard can use such a helm. That's not entirely true, since anyone with proficiency in musical instruments can use the helm, but who other than bards thinks playing the flute is what they want to be proficient in? The ship moves as long as you're rocking out, and your melodic tunes soothe your crew's wound twice as fast as usual. Finally, the vessel is usually designed to resemble the instrument you love to play. Personally, I'd love to travel the stars in my accordion ship.

Klicklikak - A small ship that can hold 4 crew members inside it and is armed with a single ballista. So why are we talking about it? The klicklikak looks like a grasshopper's head with two long antennae trailing behind it. That said, it should be no surprise that this is the ship used by the Insectare race.

Porcupine - The pride and joy of the goblin fleet, the Porcupine isn't built but grown. I always knew goblins had literal green thumbs, but it turns out that they dabble in horticulture too. It all starts when a rare plant is created. When the seed from a starfly plant falls into a planar rift in the wildspace, it becomes a plant of two planes, with its roots existing on one plane and the rest of the plant growing in the wildspace. The core of the plant is enormous, stretching over a mile across. Two to six trunks grow off the main trunk, extending into wildspace. The plants also have several smaller branches that grow between the main trunk and the others, creating a net of sorts. For some reason, all kinds of wildspace creatures are drawn to it. Spiny ball seed pods grow along the outer rim of the lesser trunks, along the gravity plane. When they mature, the pods will fall from the tree.
Before that can happen, goblins will cut these massive pods from the tree and hollow them out like a pumpkin on Halloween. In this seed pod shell, the goblins build their ships, installing a helm, engine, and everything else an adventurous goblin needs to travel the starry void. One of my favorite pieces of equipment the goblin installed is ram mines. They put a ton of them on the average ship, usually one mine for every three spines. The mines are a mixture of tree sap, leaves, and scavver blood, creating a smoke powder-like bomb that explodes on contact. These mines will ruin your day, doing a good amount of damage to the target ship and any crew nearby if their hull has been breached. A minor downside is that the Porcupine ship also takes damage from the mine's blast. This can cause a cascading effect, where the mines on the Porcupine ship start to explode uncontrollably, possibly leading to the goblin ship exploding, with all its crew inside. The good news is that no one else seems to want to seed pods, so creating these ships is incredibly cheap.

Stoneship - A round ship made of almost solid stone. Boring, I know. It is full of xorn, so that's fun. They come equipped with 8 heavy catapults and 2 heavy jettisons but what's really fun is that the ship itself can serve as a blunt ram. Not sure about you, but a planet-killer asteroid controlled by Xorn headed straight towards you is not what I signed up for.

Uspo - Penguin ships flown by penguin humanoids. Shaped like a giant penguin on its stomach, this ship was created and used by the Dohwar. It is a trading ship, for the dohwar aren't much for fighting. This probably explains why there are no weapon mounts or exposed decks. The wings on the Uspo are designed to move, providing the ship with more maneuverability. Whether they do or not is a matter of opinion. Being a trading ship that is slow and full of semi-pacifist penguins is an easy target for pirates. The dohwar realized this and hired mercenaries to protect their crew and cargo. As the mercenaries proved effective, the dohwar started carrying more valuable cargo, making them a bigger target, forcing the dohwar to hire more protection, and so on. The problem with this scenario is there are only so many giff a ship can carry, not to mention the insane amount of gunpowder in their luggage.